Kids, It's Time for Mommy and Daddy to Make Some Romance

I know, I hear you - you have a lot on your plate. The kids are yelling, the phone is ringing, and something is probably burning on the stove. It's true that you have a lot on your plate. Raising a family and surviving the day-to-day trials and tribulations is often akin to a Herculean feat - some neighborhood fairy really should knock on your door and pass out a purple heart for coping as well as you do.

One of the most unfortunate consequences of raising kids and keeping everything afloat is that something always has to give, and what often gives is the romantic relationship between husband and wife. In fact, things often get so chaotic and busy that the husband and wife start feeling more like managers at a busy business than they do lovers. Remember the days when you didn't have kids and the two of you could be spontaneous? Oh, wait - one of the kid's is screaming again so the noise probably just erased any memory you might have had.

The truth is that your relationship probably deserves a little romantic refresher. I know you're tired and, perhaps, haven't even had time to go the gym with everything else going on. Who can feel sexual, after all, if you don't feel okay about your body? I'm not suggesting that you turn the reality of your challenging home life into a Lifetime movie-of the-week in which candles, soft music, and romantic love-making fill every scene. Come on - we still have to live in reality. I am suggesting, however, that you try something a little different. I'm going to ask that you do just one thing to recharge the romantic battery of your relationship, and I'm going to be specific about what that is. Yes, you may have become so bogged down by your unending responsibilities that what I'm about to suggest doesn't even sound appealing - but that's all the more reason to do it!

Dr. Seth's prescription: Not just any date, but a specific kind of date. You are going to mark off the calendar for a date sometime in the next four weeks, and you are going to replicate - as closely as possible - the first date you ever had with your husband. If you live in the same area where you lived when you started dating, try to go to the same place where you had your first date. If you live farther away and can't make it back easily, find some place near you that is similar. Planning this date can actually be a lot of fun.

On your date, talk about as much as you can remember from that first date. Remember what the two of you were wearing? Remember what you talked about? Talk with each other about what your expectations were for that date and where each of you was in your lives leading up to that point - were you happy? Looking for a relationship or just going on a date because you thought you should?

Replicating your first date can be a lot of fun. It can remind you of a time when things were simpler and more innocent.. Sharing these memories can help to rekindle a lot of warm and intimate feelings. The bottom line: Recharging your romantic battery in ways like the one I'm suggesting is one of the most important things you can do for yourselves as a couple. Enjoy your date and remember - enjoy each other!

Article by Dr. Seth Meyers
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Dr. Seth Meyers is licensed Clinical Psychologist in Los Angeles. Dr. Seth writes a popular daily blog on relationship issues at and has written articles for many websites, including those of Psychology Today and Love Detour Advice, among others. He has been published in leading academic journals, including the American Journal of Public Health, and popular magazines, including Cosmopolitan. He maintains a private practice and also works with the Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health.